Oedipal Beatdown » Tom

Lightly Used Negligee: Your Best Offer Entertained…In Style

Tom — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 21:17:12 +0000

Found lilting seductively on the warm breath of an afternoon breeze…I wasn’t joking about the, um, intimacy of stoop sales in these parts. I’m not up on my lingerie terms, is this actually a negligee? A camisol? Teddy? Anyone?

At What Point Does This Become Littering?

Tom — Wed, 27 May 2009 18:12:24 +0000

I don’t know the first thing about computer programming and will defer to my more technological colleague here, but is there anyone anywhere on the face of the earth who might happen by this doorstep and find what looks to be an antique set of IBM Basic manuals useful? I put stuff out on the sidewalk myself before throwing it out sometimes, but personally I would relegate manuals for outmoded computer languages (isn’t it called HSALM or something now??) in the same category as lightly used undergarments for sidewalk-giveaway classification purposes.

My Signature Gift for Park Slope Birthday Parties

Tom — Wed, 27 May 2009 17:06:37 +0000

Shopping for kid birthday presents is easy if you just buy the same damn gift every time. And I don’t know why, but I get a wrinkle of pleasure in gifting Monopoly Jr. Firstly, I think this version is more fun than its adult counterpart. Case in point, when you land on a space you acquire, by default, the rights to erect a concession stand or ticket booth or some other such profit generator. I guess I also look forward to the stilted thank you notes I get along the lines of “my child and I very much enjoy your gift and the valuable lessons it teaches of property acquisition and exploitation…”

It’s as if Janet Jackson is Now Choreographing Jim Leyland’s Umpire Rants

Tom — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:50:23 +0000

Video here at mlb.com of Magglio Ordonez getting felt up by the home plate ump. But Leyland steals the show - the swift arm chops and hip thrusts are straight out of the Rhythm Nation playbook.

Bobby Murcer Lives On to Remind Us of Our Mortality at Random Street Corners

Tom — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:02:25 +0000

Not pictured: An attendant from the Bobby Murcer Brain Tumor Early Detection MRI truck on a smoke break.

Prospect Park Apparently Now the Private Domain of Professionally Clad Cyclists

Tom — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:43:40 +0000

To the dude in the Vodafone cycling suit screaming at a 10-yr-old girl on horseback (in a CROSSWALK) to get out of the way this afternoon…the Pyrenees are that way.

An Etymological Mystery for the Ages

Tom — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 00:42:32 +0000

Exactly why the Pennsylvania Dutch culture evolved in such a way as to require this word is unknowable…

From the “Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins”

Arschgnoddle (n) (Pennsylvania German) Scads of dung collected among the hairs proximate to the anus.

Tom Just Took the “Which Obscure WWF Wrestler of the 1980s Are You?” Quiz on Facebook and the Result is: IRON MIKE SHARPE

Tom — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 17:34:04 +0000

No discernible finishing moves (check)…Impressively well-documented OCD (check)

“Yes, I’d Like to Order Three Pallets of the Rastafarian Vellum, Please”

Tom — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 17:18:01 +0000

In a warehouse somewhere deep in Brooklyn the ghost of John Candy lazily scrawls orders on a battered clipboard.

And His Hair Was Perfect

Tom — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 15:47:14 +0000

Maybe it’s the hair, or maybe it’s the endlessly entertaining Pat Summitt-baiting, but I am a fan of this guy. And the 47 seconds of last night’s NCAA Womens’ Final I was subconsciously lulled into watching did suggest hours and hours of fundamentally sound scoop-layup drills. You can almost sense David Stern stroking his chin mulling over a Bobby Riggs-style UConn/Sacramento Kings exhibition.